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two years.

Two years. #Divorce-versary 

It’s been two years since I received the final divorce decree. 

I remember the pit I felt in my stomach when I got the final document in my email that day. 

I remember the call from my attorney and the “congratulations” she expressed. I remember the relief and the guilt. 

I remember the feeling of failure and at the same time, the feeling of freedom. 

I remember the what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve beens, the what if’s, the anger. 

I remember the sadness and the possibility of new joy. 

I remember the fear, the oh shit, this is real and the feeling of anxiety surrounding our new reality. 

I remember how I knew I was going to have to be stronger than I’d ever been before because I could see the writing on the wall. 

I knew I had to grieve, but my children needed me to be strong. Let me tell you, that’s a hard place to be. Motherhood is tough as it is, but we always rise. Side note: women are freaking amazing.. we truly are resilient and can do whatever we set our hearts and minds to. We do what we have to do. Because that’s who we are. 

So I began to find my strength, take my power back, and I began to remember who the f I had always been, but somehow allowed it to get lost. I began to use my voice and speak up and out (hellooooo, throat chakra!). I was in the middle of YTT (yoga teacher training) and it was the most life changing experience ever anyway, pair it with other strong women (who will always hold a special place in my heart), and I truly believe I wouldn’t have found the strength within to get through without YTT. 

My heart was crushed – watching my children grieve has no doubt been the most difficult part…and still is, because I have no explanation or excuses for how we both failed….or for his continued choices. 

But the lessons, the beautiful lessons… that’s what I choose to focus on, choose to teach and lead my girls and how I know now what I could’ve / should’ve / will do differently moving forward.

All this to say, it has taken a TON of work to get where I am at this moment. I wouldn’t be here without support from so many incredible humans. I am forever grateful and humbled for that. It has required a lot of inner work, healing, trusting myself, therapy, family, friends who are like family, letting go of what and who no longer serves and being open to new beginnings. Choosing one way then another, day by day and many days, one breath at a time. And then one day, such as this, two years later, you’re able to look back in hindsight and smile. Wondering why you were ever really worried you wouldn’t make it. Because here you are. You rose from the ashes. You have created the life you knew you and your children deserved. Things always work out just as they’re meant to. The growth I’ve witnessed within my girls makes my heart swell with pride and joy and at the same time, brings tears to my eyes. I have become a better mother because of all the growth. 

When you go through divorce, even months, after, you begin to see things more clearly. Others, yourself, your children. What and who truly matters and who and what doesn’t. You’ll find that those who aren’t meant to be in your life, who were only there for a season, disappear. And the real and right people show up, sometimes just to sit and hold space for you (and your kids).

You realize that nothing truly matters except your kids and your well-being. You learn that people will talk, judge, gossip, give unsolicited advice… and that they’re going to do that regardless, you just have to learn to trust yourself and block out the noise. No one walks your path but you.

You learn that you will be given the same lessons over and over until you acknowledge, accept, change, learn and grow from them.

Self awareness reaches a whole new level.

You grow. 

You learn how to adapt and flow.

You learn how to forgive. Yourself and others. 

You grieve. And allow.

You learn how to set and keep strong boundaries. 

You learn to appreciate the little things more.

You begin to find joy in the little things.

You learn that you have everything you need within you, and you begin to trust yourself again. 

You find purpose. 

You find yourself again.

You rise up, and then when you look back, you realize, wow, I f’ing made it. 

AND YOU SMILE. 🙂 

If you resonate with any of these things, please know I feel you, I hold space for you in my heart, and I’m sending so much love, light & blessings your way.

And if you haven’t seen my posts, I’m creating a one of a kind program that helps divorced women & moms navigate finding their way back to themselves. It is a deep dive container where I hold space, guide and share all the tools I have used over the last few years and even before my divorce that will no doubt change your life and put you on a path to freedom, purpose and peace. If you’re interested in the details, shoot me a message and I’ll add you to my list when it’s ready. Thank you all for being on this journey with me.  

Divided We Rise

Let me begin by saying I don’t get into politics much. Let me also say that this post is NOT about politics. It is about love. It is about unity. It is about humanity.

I will, however, start this post by saying that this is the strangest year and strangest election I have ever witnessed. The day after election day, I, like many Americans, checked my phone for an update. I was shocked at how almost equally divided we were on electoral votes. I refreshed my phone several times just to be sure.

My first thought was, damn, we literally are a country divided. The numbers showed it.

Then I coached my normal Wednesday morning CrossFit class. The mood with everyone was (as a friend described it) somber. I felt the same. Then I taught my normal yoga class. The theme: “Surrender” — with heart opening poses. And a meditation to go along with. It was beautiful.

I am not one to live in fear. That doesn’t mean I am blind or don’t worry. I’m in the middle of something right now in my personal life that I’ve been a bit anxious about. But at the end of the day, I am doing all I can, taking all the steps I can and if it happens, so it is… and if it doesn’t, then I know and trust that there is something better coming.

That doesn’t mean I discount the reality of how bad something may SUCK. But what I do know and from my own experience is that things ALWAYS work themselves out and as long as we stay grounded in that truth, in our truth and a higher power, and in LOVE, then things will be okay. Yes, it may take time. But time is all we have.

So all these ramblings to say… and if you’re open to it, y’all, let’s do better. Let’s live from a place of love. Let’s live from a place of compassion. Let’s live from a place of empathy. Those are the very things that I hear SO MANY people talking about that we are missing. That is what I see missing. We can choose to let this election or differences in opinion divide us or unite us so we rise stronger, better and more human…..TOGETHER.

It doesn’t begin in the White House. It begins with the people. Those people are US. It begins with US. And it begins with LOVE.

Sending all the love & healing light to you and yours. May you be well. May you be happy. May you be at peace. And may you be love.

reflecting…

My goodness, how things can change in a year’s time.

This time last year we were getting ready to go on a family trip to Blue Ridge, and it was a beautiful trip. 

Little did I know what would come upon our return and the months following.

And thank God for it all. 

For the changes. 

For the heartache & heartbreak. 

For the lies, deceit, infidelity, manipulation.

For the strength I have found within again. 

For taking back, owning, standing & RISING in my power.

For promising myself to never ever allow anyone to have control over my thoughts, emotions or dreams. 

FOR REMEMBERING WHO THE F I AM.

When I reflect on the growth this past year, it brings me tears. 

I am not the same person. I have become stronger, I have gained my independence back, I have stood up for myself and used my voice in situations I would’ve played small or shrunk before. And with each passing day, more growth comes. And I welcome it. It has been messy, it has been beautiful. Either way, it’s here and it feels so damn good. I have a tribe of humans who have my back and have literally picked me up when I’ve been on the floor. Who have loved my girls like their own and been there when they’ve cried. Who have cried with us. Who have (and continue to ) show up without asking and know exactly what to say or do, if anything. For that, I am infinitely grateful …even though I am still learning how to receive and accept. 🙂

Never again will I allow any human to dim my shine. And I will continue to shine my light, mainly so that my girls understand they can do any damn thing they put their minds to, no matter the storms. Watching my children blossom and not be under the constant stress of what was, has been the biggest blessing through this all. I’m so proud to be their mama. Never again will I allow anyone in my life to interfere with their peace. 

I guess this post is a post of reflection and gratitude. The days are not all rainbows and sunshine, but damn it, we only get one shot at this thing called life and I had to share…. As a mentor of mine once said, it’s time, “F it, let’s go!” — and from now on, that’s the mindset. 

And that there is SO MUCH MORE coming — that’s been building in me for years and now I finally know I am ready. So much more. Get ready, because the way I’m showing up in the world is how I teach my children to show up in the world. Unapologetic, compassionate, passionate, confident. I’m working on infusing all the things I am unapologetically passionate about together… yoga, mindset, coaching, spirituality, writing, entrepreneurship into one… something that those of you who can resonate with this post, may be craving. If you are struggling with any kind of loss, grief, divorce, or uncertainty of any kind, stay tuned. I am pouring my heart and soul into this next level offering and it is for you. 

And know that if you’re at a crossroads, or having a moment where you can’t get off the floor, know that you can. That it may suck, but it will get better, you will get through it, and you will RISE because of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

Thank you all for being with me on this journey so far. Love & Light <3 

I can do this.

Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel less than. 

Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel like there is only one way.

Don’t ever allow someone to take your power away from you.

Don’t ever allow someone to take advantage of you or expect more from you than you ask from them. Know when to say enough is enough. 

Don’t ever be afraid to try something new.

Don’t allow yourself to become so paralyzed with fear and uncertainty that your life passes you by.

All of these things were going through my head as I mowed the yard the other day, which is a love/hate thing for me. You see, that was one of my ex-husband’s “jobs”… one that I realize now that I didn’t appreciate near enough when he was here … haha, because the yard is a b*tch to mow & it’s Florida and it’s HOT. The first time that I mowed the grass after he left, I cried, screamed, cussed….. and was just angry as hell… it was a moment of truth but then it became a healing moment and a teachable moment.

I can do hard things. 

I am getting my power back.

I have started over. 

I can and am doing new things without fear now.

I can and do believe in myself, and trust in the ones who truly love and get me. 

I am learning to appreciate the little things. 

I am learning how to ask for help when I need it. 

I am learning how to say no and stand by it. 

I am learning how to say yes to the things that matter. 

I am learning how to receive. 

I know I am worthy. 

And so are you.

Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel less than. And mow the damn grass, you got this! (And if you’re fortunate to have someone mow for you, take them an ice cold beer or glass of water and hug them tight! It really is the little things!)  

You got this 🙂 

SURPRISE! I published TWO more books!

SO these have been finished for a while and I finally hit PUBLISH a little while ago…but kept it quiet. 😉

The first… “Blank Slate” –welcome to your next step 365 pages that I created to be used after forming habits and completing DAY BY DAY — or you can use it on it’s own. Disclaimer: There is no right way to use it. 😉

B L A N K S L A T E

The second, “Beloved Musings” is a collection of poems and thoughts….my musings…. of healing words that have helped me and helped set my soul free. Now, I share them with you. Enjoy the rise… <3

https://bit.ly/belovedmusingswB E L O V E D M U S I N G S

Stay tuned because I have SO MUCH MORE coming soon. I can’t wait to share. If you’d like to stay updated, send me an email thesoulshinecollective@gmail.com

Sit

“Before we take a stand, sometimes we must take a seat.”
🖤✌🏻🖤✌🏻🖤

Stillness.
Silence.
Seated.
Listening.
Hearing.
Empathizing.
Loving.

I have been trying to find the words to say, to portray all that is in my heart and soul. This, all this chaos, all this hatred, this uncertainty, all that is going on in the world is certainly not all mine to carry, like it has felt at times, but it is damn sure mine to think about and figure out what role, no matter how big or how small, I am responsible to play and make a change for the highest good.

My heart has been leading me to say that the answer seems simple.

It’s four letters.

The answer is L O V E. The answer is listening. Sitting with our shit and our programming and our emotions. Asking ourselves WHY we feel things on the level we do.
Then we can take a stand. We can be brave. We can make a change. And it begins with love.
But it’s complicated, because love means so many different things to so many people.

As I have been sitting this week, watching, observing, listening, I still don’t know what do but I do know that I invite you to get still, ask why you feel the way you feel, when you began to feel that way, what story made you believe that was true… and is it ultimately true? And then think of one small way to make a change.

Regardless, please know I see you, I hear you and I love you.

celebrating ONE YEAR!

One year ago today, I published my first book.

And today, I am celebrating the steps I took to get there and the steps I’ve taken since then.
I am celebrating the journey.
I am celebrating all of YOU, who I have written your story using the tools in my book.

This past year, I have lost myself, I have found myself, I have gone through the worst betrayal & grief I have experienced so far and am currently in the final stages of my divorce. I have fought internal battles of shame, anger, guilt, all the things. I have had moments where I have fallen apart, cried all day long, or couldn’t get off the floor. I have had moments where I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that I can barely contain myself. I have learned about letting go and friendship and love and forgiveness and grace more than I will ever be able to translate into words. I have witnessed my little girls suffer and I have witnessed them be so strong, that I had no choice but to be stronger. I have grown and watched them grow. I have felt literally felt carried more times than not and my faith and spirituality has grown in ways I hope to share soon.

That said, I wanted to do something special on this “anniversary” day. For a limited time, you can purchase a copy of my book for $12.34 ….. “1-2-3-4” to represent the steps we take, DAY BY DAY, sometimes moment by moment, to take us forward, to where we are divinely meant to be.

Available on Amazon (link also in comments) http://bit.ly/daybydaycg & I have signed copies available as well to pick up or I can ship flat rate! <<< message me for yours <<<

AND…..

Stay tuned because I’m opening up a private facebook group that will take us through the book, together, with videos, tools, affirmations & more. Stay tuned for details on that!

And once again, THANK YOU for your support, sharing your journeys with me, & being you!!

So much love & gratitude,
Amy

fill your cup. take time for YOU.

Giving ourselves time to fill our cup is not selfish….. it is necessary. For years, has been a part of my message and story. I began online fitness coaching seven years ago and to help other women who were struggling like I was, hold that space, have that support, etc…. It was critical. And when I realized I was doing more life coaching than fitness coaching, I moved into that aspect… having clients and helping them move through bigger things in their lives, digging deep into the why’s … then continuously blogging, and sharing and then writing/publishing my first book… and holding workshops and book signings, the conversations and the message circle around taking time to tune in and tune out.
To lean in.
To trust the process.
To give ourselves grace.
To say no when we need to say no.
To say yes to the things that are for the highest good, for us and for the collective.
Say yes to the things that light us up and make our souls shine.
To fill our cup daily. Whether that is exercise/movement, meditation/prayer, fueling our bodies with good food and drinks, or anything else we can classify as “soul care.”
In my book (pictured here), you write your story. You make it your own. You get still. You focus. You learn or re-learn how to trust yourself. You learn how to prioritize what is important. You learn how to be the best version of you, so that others can experience that part of you. We must must must fill our cups so we can overflow into others. I don’t know about you, but I have been exhausted lately. I went to full moon yoga last night and slept better than I’ve slept in months afterward. My soul feels more refreshed. I haven’t taken time for me lately, not on purpose, but just because that’s where I’ve been. Not only are we in the middle of a pandemic, but going through a divorce that has not been pretty and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone…and in the midst of all of it, are my children, who are suffering as well. So much uncertainty. Our worlds are not what we once knew. But our world as it was, wasn’t working. So things must change. It’s a lot. Some days it’s heavy and I can hardly get out of bed. Some days I want to conquer the world. It’s a constant ebb and flow. But that’s life. So this morning, in the quiet, I got up, made good coffee, sat in the cool of the morning, listened to all the beautiful sounds and thanked God for my life. My family. My friends. Where I am. How far I’ve come. How much there is to look forward to. And reminded myself that this too shall pass.

All this to say, take time for you….. we only get one shot. And life is beautiful, even in the midst or uncertainty or chaos. Lean in to what you know and be open to what you don’t. And know that I’m with you. I see you. I am you.

I’d love to hear your heart – what are your doing to fill your cup even though it might feel impossible right now? What can you do right this moment to fill your cup?

Take time for you. Self care is crucial right now. I like to call it SOUL CARE. Look up, look within, sit still. Do things that make your heart smile and your soul shine. Make a list of what those things are. In my book, I guide you to name those things and then encourage you to make time for them. Time truly is all we have. Especially right now. Let’s make the most of it ✨🙌🏻♥️